Sydni Sugar – Sweet & UNCENSORED

Yesterday I got a new app for my iPhone called “Bad Dates”. I hadn’t looked at it until recently, when I randomly selected a story of a bad date to read. Well, half way through the story I am laughing so hard tears are streaming from my eyes, I can’t catch my breath and people are staring at me like I’m crazy as I sit in my car at the Wally World parking lot.
This is what I read: (click the title below to go directly to the site)

My Worst Date

Before I begin I must tell you that the following story is True. It was so bad that some of my friends refused to believe it but my date that night could confirm it.

This date was several years back before I was married. This woman was two years older than me. She was a big football fan, as I was, so I took her to an NFL game followed up by a very nice dinner. The city was about an hour from where we lived so we had a little bit of a drive back late that night. For some reason the food I ate that night did not sit well with my stomach. About half-way home I got hit with the worst case of “Explosive diarrhea” in my life. I instantly was in pain and had to get to a bathroom. The problem was we were on an interstate and I knew there weren’t gas stations for miles. Luckily I came to an exit soon. However, the only station on that exit was closed. At this point I am letting my date know I am not feeling well and if I have to pull over and “throw up” I dont want to do it on the side of the interstate. So I started driving back roads towards home hoping to find a place I can pull over and hide in the woods.

We finally passed over a bridge that ran of a river. I pulled the car over on the other side of the bridge. I told her I would be right back and ran onto the bridge far enough back she couldnt see me. I had no other choice, I stuck my rear off the side of the bridge and let it go.  (Pay attention, this is where it gets interesting). About 10-15 seconds into my relief I hear shouts of profanity coming from somewhere. At this point I cant stop what i’m doing so i look around to see if someone see’s me. It wasn’t for about 20 seconds into this that I discovered the source. The moon gave me enough lighting to see that below the bridge was a couple in a small boat having sex. This boat was postioned directly under me. I basically just crapped all over this guy’s back while he was on top of his lady-friend. When he moved, my “waste” then hit her head-on. (Let me re-iterate, this is a TRUE story.)

The date is not over yet. When I noticed what had happened, I quickly without thinking pulled my pants up and made a run for the car. I jumped inside only to hear and feel “squish”. You can imagine what I just sat in. At this point there is no hiding it. She know’s what’s going on and due to the smell we have to drive the rest of the way with the windows down and the air on at full blast. Until about 10 miles away from her place when I got a flat tire. THE DATE CONTINUES… Still on these back country roads, I pull over onto gravel out of the street. I get the spare out of the back and place it below me as I take off the flat. As I am taking the flat off, I don’t realize that my “waste” I had been sitting in was making its way down my leg onto the spare tire below me. When I reached down to pick it up to put it on I felt the waste all over my hands. I finish tightening the spare and tell my date to stand behind the car. I told her i am going to pull up, make sure the tire is on tight (I was making up an excuse so i could go clean my hands). After I cleaned my hands off, I attempted to pull up so she would think I was really there to do that. Unfortunately the accelerator of my old plymouth breeze tended to stick so i hit it extra hard. At that point the tire spun in the gravel kicking up rock and (you guessed it) “Waste” that was on the spare. And guess who was standing behind the car??? You guessed it again…my date!

There was nothing left to do. No recovery from this. I went back there, cleaned her off and took her home. That was truly the night from Hell.

The End